i walk alone...

2006-05-27T00:12:00.000+08:00

( the following is just me blabbing whatever i feel at the moment.. The tone is inconsistent and so does my mood.. but hey.. thats me)

Its amazing how some people can be extremely self serving.. As in.. blindly see things only their way and don't ever think about other's point of view.. It's like pot calling the kettle black u know? This particular person thinks that i don't know what she thinks of me.. or that i honestly am so stupid that i dunno whats going on around me..

It's about time i let you people know.. that i KNOW.. i just DON'T CARE..
haha.. it's really that simple..

Yes i know how i am.. i know im direct.. i know i can be overpowering.. i know i can be a total bitch.. trust me i know exactly who i am.. and like i said before.. im not gonna change myself for anyone..

Ask yourself this.. Why is it that i affect you so? Is it cause you choose to let me affect you? Can't be that someone force you to let me affect u right? Even when i hardly contact you.. you go and on about me.. Why not let go and just move on with your life. Stop being such an over sensetive emotional DRAMA queen.. Not the whole world revolves around your silly childish world you know..

The truth? the truth is that you are so waaaaaaay in over your head.. the truth is that.. you need to grow up and stop living in this fantasy world where everything is suppose to go your way.. FOR GOD SAKES GROW UP!

Once upon a time we used to be good friends.. ( on some distant level )... but then.. you changed.. and i couldn't stand to be friends with you anymore.. cause u betrayed me.. you lied to my face.. and everyone around me was telling me how you badmouthed me.. and honest to god.. i didn't think you were that type of person.. and i know that i definately don't know you.. cause i thought you were a good person.. obviously i was wrong.

And please don't flatter yourself.. i really have no interest in your work.. and i promise i will keep our interactions during our forced time workin to bare minimum.. Trust me i'm not looking forward to it either. but i will have to do what i have to do.. My juniors are more important that this stupid vendetta..

I just find it so wierd that people i dont care about make me the topic in their life.. i mean god.. its like i cant care less about you yet i seem to be the only thing you seem to talk about.. er... haha.. see what's wrong with the picture?

You see apparently your so busily caught up in my faults.. that you don't even see your own.. and trust me.. if you think that everyone else thinks your perfect.. you are dead wrong.. Worst of all.. is not bothering to find out entire stories before forming an opinion.. and boy are you full of opinions..

By the way.. i have enough friends.. i don't need to seek attention.. and i have my reasons for wanting to leave.. the bigger picture is my own personal life which is none of your concern.. just like whatever else i do.. besides.. why on earth are you complaining.. you should be happy if i leave.. Unfortunately.. cause of circumstances.. i can't go.. I'm staying as a favour to someone whom i love dearly..

So all in all.. i just wanna say to this person.. because i know who i am.. i am deeply sorry for anything i may have done or said that has hurt you.. Including all of the above ( i rant).. I know i am capable of hurting people without realising what i'm doing.. it is a flaw of my personality.. but like i said.. Sometimes it's good to reflect on yourself as well although it's easiest to blame everything on someone else.. Whatever of your pain is my fault.. i am sorry.. but i hope you are grown up enought to take your share of the cake too.. No matter how bitter it may be.

So from now.. just like i am with everyone.. i will be civilised with you.. i dont want to waste energy on this anymore..neither should you.. and more importantly, there are more things in life that need to be concentrated on other than this.. I just want to finish up poly without all this drama.. and spend time with my true friends whom i love.. It's better if we both stop wasting energy on something so insignificant.. Whether you want to be civilised and normal back.. is up to ur own maturity.. but dont do it just to prove your mature.. do it cause you are mature..

I have spoken my peace..

Whats my type??????

2006-04-08T23:03:00.000+08:00

You may be nice but aren't you a bit naughty as well! That's why you're attracted to the bad lad. The one who's a bit laddish. The heart-breaker. So what if he's hard to tie down? You want a man who has an edge, someone who keeps you on your toes. In fact, it may be the challenge that keeps you around. His rather yobbish attitude is like a magnet; if a man wears a rebel reputation, he sparked your attention! Your bloke must be confident and ooze masculine charm. Plainly, sensitive men simply don't cause your knees to buckle. You have no time for the sweet, romantic, or doting chaps who pursue you and, frankly, bore you to tears. Perhaps you're just not into the touchy-feely thing right now. Who cares? Whether you're seeking adventure or looking to tame the wild, there's something about a bad lad that keeps you coming back.

True? i don't know! haha.. for now, lets just have fun in life yah! haha..

Beautiful Disaster

2006-04-05T11:17:00.000+08:00

He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme I know
He’s as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold

And if I try to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right
It just ain't right

Oh and I don't know
I don't know what is after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

He's magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see

And do I try to change him?
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight
Hold on tight

Oh 'cause I don't know
I don't know what is after
But he’s so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster

And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster

I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of miracle
Waited so long
So long

He’s soft to the touch
But frayed at the ends he breaks
He’s never enough
And still he's more than I can take

Oh 'cause I don't know
I don't know what is after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster

And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster
He’s beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster..

How will i die?

2006-04-03T00:40:00.000+08:00

Suicide

93%

Gunshot

80%

Posion

73%

Disease

73%

Cut Throat

67%

Disappear

60%

Stabbed

40%

Drowning

40%

Bomb

33%

Eaten

33%

Natural Causes

27%

Accident

20%

Suffocated

20%

Your death will be suicide. What more can I say? Fact: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you want to know hwo you will commit suicide, take a look at your second highest percentage on the bar graphs.

How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com

when i kill myself

2006-04-01T22:09:00.000+08:00

Since you're such a "morbid" and "gothic" person, it probably would be most ideal to slit your wrists. Just think of the expression of your loved ones faces when they find you snow white in a deep red bath of your own blood. A suicide note carved into yourself would also be a cool addition, but hey its your body ... oh and don't forget to give your soul to Satan, I'm pretty sure he has dibs anyway.

When i kill myself i'll...

Find
out your most ideal means of suicide by clicking here

....

2006-04-01T20:05:00.000+08:00

So unimpressed but so in awe
Such a saint but such a whore
So self aware so full of shit
So indecisive so adamant

What kind of Girlfriend am i?

2006-03-28T11:06:00.000+08:00

You're a Steady Supporter
Stand by your man — that's just something you naturally do. Once you've committed to a relationship, you are a constant companion who enjoys the comfort and stability that comes from being a couple. Not quick to judge, accuse, or think the worst, you have a lot of trust (in him and in yourself), and you rarely worry about where he is or who he's with.For you, mutual respect is of utmost importance. You are comfortable and confident in your own skin, making you a great pillar of strength in all your relationships. Whether he's striving to climb a mountain or land a promotion, you have his back. Best part is, you know he's got yours too.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
Brought to you by Tickle

Our time is running out- Muse

2006-03-27T23:05:00.000+08:00

I think I'm drowning
Asphyxiated
I wanna break this spell
That you've created
You're something beautiful
A contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

You will be the death of me
You will be the death of me
Bury itI won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom
Bound and restricted
I tried to give you up
But I'm addicted
Now that you know I'm trapped
sense of elation
You'd never dream of
Breaking this fixation

You will squeeze the life out of me
Bury itI won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this?

Ooooohh
You will suck the life out of me
Bury itI won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

Our time is running out
Our time is running out
You can't push it underground
You can't stop it screaming out
How did it come to this?
Ooooohh

why..

2006-03-21T23:24:00.000+08:00

~ I'm heart brokened~

finally...

2006-03-21T03:20:00.000+08:00

Dear God,
Thank you for what happened tonight.
Thank you for letting us talk..
I am greatful for it all.
I pray he is ok..
I hope.. he will always be ok..
Pls take care of him...

Tonight.. i saw a totally different side of you.. i loved to see it.. cause i saw that u are human.. and that at least i know i was not crazy to see something in u.. tonight.. i saw ur heart and soul. Too late.. but better late then never i guess... Thanks..

I'm really glad that everything is resolved.. I can finally breath again.. For someone whom i never got to have a future with... but i know i could have.. its just the circumstances... i'm really sorry about everything that happened to you.. to me.. to us.. but its alright.. everything happens for a reason... I forgive u... and i will always be there for u... and remember.. ur not losing us.. where there is a will there is a way... FRIENDS always ya sweetie! anyway, consider this my last gift to u.. the first and last song.. i shall consider it our song.. haha...

ONE LAST
I never could imagine, life without you
From the moment you walked into my world
Never knew how long a loving flame could burn
But losing you has forced me to learn
That we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have
Chorus:
One last kiss
One last touch
One last tender moment between us
One last dance
To our first song
While pretending there's nothing wrong
Let's stay here for awhile and
Cherish every moment we're in denial
We both know
Its better if we just let it go
Everytime I try to take a stand at all
I see your face again and I fall
In the middle of the night there's the scent of a rose
The smell of your perfume I suppose
But we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have
Chorus
Baby if we met each other under a different sky
Maybe then things would be much better between you and I
We could always hold on to this one special thing we share
But it would be too much for us to bear
So let's have
Chorus
We both know
It's better if we just let it go

Your right.. its too beautiful a song.. haha..

updatesssssssss

2006-03-17T14:22:00.000+08:00

The past few days seem to past by really fast. So let me recap slightly..

WED
Met Ri for the first time. He was late so i waited for him at YCK along with my friends. I felt slightly awkward at first. but after that it was ok.. haha.. it got more comfortable la. We all headed to esplanade for meeting with the external theatre group which some of us like nisa, nizam etc are joining. He just sat there and listen to the meeting.. haha.. so poorthing... i felt bad la since we were supposed to be on a sort of date.. so i excused myself halfway.. haha.

He was hungry so wen to marina square to eat.. I didnt eat la.. just watch him eat. haha.. then i was sooo cold cause the aircon there was really really cold.. so went to marina promenade.. ther we talked and got to know each other la.. and the rest..... is history... haha.. not important...
I had a good time.. Glad we finally met ar..

THURS
Nothin much. Screwed up the med surg presentation. but somehow i dun care... haizz.. like watever laaaaaar...

FRI
at clinical trials now.. thinking about starting to study for psycho today.. scared this weekend i no time.. busy weekend.. GM, auditions, drama workshop.... and still got orientation witht he kids of the theatre group.. haha.. kinda exciting!1

kk.. better pay attention.. will update later tonight in detail k!

i got sushine in a bag......

2006-03-08T23:18:00.000+08:00

ITS OVER!
almost......
Yayness ppl....
at least majority settled..

im so like so smiling now ar..
WHY?

Top 5 reasons why annur is smiling at this very moment.
1) the meeting is OVER
2) i got nothing to study for till 2 weeks time..
3) i've settled majority of my issues of the heart
4) i saw dear FAISAL today
5) spent time with my com today

overall a good day people..
*CLAPS*

ok.. stil got things to so though.. haha..
SHIT. suddenly im sleepy.. but i promised someone i would call him tonight.
i think better call.. else.. later MAJOR MERAJOKNESS...
cya later peeps!

* i'm smiling more,
and its all ur fault! ;) *

YAYNESS!

2006-03-07T21:28:00.000+08:00

my god.

any idea how relieved i am to have finished my bio prac paper?
PHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!
wasnt too bad.. thanks to DARLING ARIFAH.. omg..
I SO OWE U..
Love u!
hehe

ok so like i had my paper.. then after school met up with nisa at bishan awhile for some window shoppin and yummy chocolate fudge cake at secret recipe.. nisa and i got sleepy so we headed home after! haha.. short meet but it was fun anyway! haha..
Nisa i still like that S&K jacket!!!!
then on my way back got sweet msg from someone.. hehe..
SO SWEET LAR U...
*ladidadida*

hmm.. oh YAH.. on sunday went to tangs to get the chocolate fountain for my aunt as a housewarming gift.. haha.. hope she likes! hmm.. then went to HAAGEN DAAAAAAZ!!!
haha.. had the fondue with my mummy. it was soooo YUM! haha.. heaven lar.....

my god.. i still got clinical theory tomorrow.. waaah.. like lazy to study leh.. hmm okok.. better sleep now and wake at 4am to study.. cause im still sleepy form the lack of sleep yesterday..hehe..

oh yah.. tomorrow is THE meeting..
get ready ppl..
lets get it OVER AND DONE WITH..
then can move on...
i can TASTE the freedom lar...
*sigh*

thats all for tonight.. will update within the next 2 days for sure..

* could this really be real..
are u really as sweet as u seem?*

I'm Not Happy.

2006-03-01T23:27:00.000+08:00

Mood : Deep Sadness

Music: Absolutely Zero by Jason Mraz

THoughts:
Been feeling rather numb about everything. Today i tried my best to be happy. I smiled, laughed but in reality... i guess im just kidding myself. When i got home. I sat in front of my computer and suddenly, the honest truth of how im feeling revealed itself.

The Honest Truth? - I'm NOT Happy.

Yes ladies and gentlemen. I admit it completely now. I'm no longer in denial. I am not happy. Not at all.

This revelation of finally admitting the obvious truth is quite liberating actually. I realise, im generally not a happy person. I'm very seldom really happy. I've been so intoxicated with pleasing everyone else that somewhere... i started to drown.. but today i put my head above the water and saw things clearlyfor a second. Something i havent done in a long while. Today i could breath just a little. I felt my chains loosen just a little. Though i'm not emancipated or anythin, i am however feeling extremely somewhat serene. Not happy. Just.. Serene. Very much in acceptance with the world.

Thinking back i realise that i've changed alot. I also realise that i changed mostly for others. Not for myself. Is that a bad thing? I guess i just realise that i am very much about others. I'm not trying to sound like the most giving person or the most self rightous, generous person. I know i'm nothing that fantastic. All i realise is that i make my world revolve around the people i care about. I do actually always put everyone and everything else before myself. No, i'm not looking for appreciation or acknowledgement. I'm simply telling you about a realisation i made. I realise i would actually do almost anything i can if it makes someone i care about happy.. It's wierd cause i think i do it not cause i want satisfaction in myself, but i guess satisfaction that i took care of someone i care about. I just never realised that while i was taking care of and looking out for and protecting all these ppl, who is doing the same for me? so in the end i'm surrounded by these people who are happy and problem free and all that, and yes i do feel a sense of releif that they are happy but i realise that at the end of the day. Im NOT happy.

I don't know if it's a weakness or a strength. But i do know that basically, my life depends alot around being a reliable person to others.

My goal now is just to do my job. Fulfill my duties as a student, daughter, H.O.D.
The rest.. can wait.
My happiness... can wait...

* Happiness is...
Realising that YOU deserve it..*

-Sweetie,
Things have not been easy,
But always know that i have faith.
Till we meet again,
I pray god takes care of you always.
I miss you dearly.

falalla

2006-03-01T12:37:00.000+08:00

ok.. currently im on the phone with my best friend. She is freaking out cause A levels results are coming out today. GOOD LUCK to Nur Liyana Bte Saine! you'll be fine.. I know you will.

Ok.. so my auditions are today! like so cool rite! ahhaha

ok actually i got nothin much la..

Walking Away
sometimes some people get me wrong
when it's something I've said or done
sometimes you feel there is no fun
that's why you turn and run

but now I truly realise
some people don't wanna compromise
well I saw them with my own eyes
spreading those lies
and well I don't wanna live my life
too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights
i'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away
from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away
oh to find a better day
I'm walking away
from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away
oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

Well I'm so tired baby
things you say you're driving me away
whispers in the powder room baby
don't listen to the games they play
girl I thought you'd realise
I'm not like them other guys
coz I saw them with my own eyes
you should've been more wise
and well I don't wanna live my life
too many sleepless nights
not mentioning the fights
I'm sorry to say lady

I'm walking away
from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away
oh to find a better day
I'm walking away
from the troubles in my life
I'm walking away
oh to find a better day
I'm walking away

im just closing myself up to everything. Im just so irritated with all this nonsense. It's all a waste of time la.. GET IT?

* sidenote- i miss my boyfriend.

sux sux sux

2006-02-28T13:53:00.000+08:00

you know for the past few weeks the whole world is just plain fucked up..
and i feel like im just floating around waiting for something to happen..

first

the place i placed all my love, passion, blood, sweat and tears for is falling apart..
and you know who's fault it is.
yes you..
its your fault..

its sad that people can actually do so much harm to others. and yet.. still think they are innocent.. im so glad that i have my committee with me.. i love them all to death..

second,

well things with the boyfriend is kinda stagnant... i dunno what im waiting for also.. and i just heard that my friend is gonna dump her bf too.. seems like everyone falling out of love huh...

for me.. i dunno wat im feeling anymore.. its like... everythings great when we are together.. but agonising that we spent so much time apart.. i wish i knew wat he was thinking.. what he is feeling.. but he is such a closed up person.. and he doesnt seem able to open up..

Dear, im here for you.. all i ask is that u let me take care of you.. let me be there for u.. i promise u that we can work through all this shit.. if u only TRY...
and i dun ever want to hear about u feeling like committing suicide.. cause its just too painful to think about what i would do if anythign happened to you..
and damn NICK for saying maybe you died in a crash.. ASSHOLE...

erm.. lets see.. i am just waiting for the BIG meeting this week... and for all this SHIT to be over.. i can smell the freedom.. its teasing me..

haizz.. ok la... i dunno wat im talkin about already..i feel like im having a constant out of body experience.. like everything is happening and im watching from somwhere else.. even now i dunno waht the hell ive been typing..haha.. ok.. will update later.. Zai wants her laptop back...

autumn's mono...

2006-02-22T14:43:00.000+08:00

Wanna talk about beautiful songs.. this tops my list.. great band.. great lyrics.. great music..

from autumn to ashes - autumn's monologue

oh why cant I be what you need
a new improved version of me
but i'm nothing so good
no i'm nothing
just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs

of violence of love and of sorrow
i beg for just one more tomorrow
where you hold me down fold me in
deep deep deep in the heart of your sins

i break in two over you
i break in twoand each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life
but you dont see me, you dont...

here i'm in between darkness and light
bleached and blinded by these nights
where im tossing and tortured til dawn
by you, visions of you then youre gone
the shock lifts the red from my face
when i hear someone's taking my place
how could love be so thoughtless, so cruel
when all, all that i did was for you

i break in two over you
i break in twoand each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life
but you dont see me you dont..

i break in two over youi break in two
and each piece of me dies
and only you can give the breath of life
but you dont see me you don't...
i break in two over youi break in two over you, over you
i break in twoi would break in two for you
now you see me
now you don't
now you need me
now you don't

....

2006-02-02T16:01:00.000+08:00

My throat hurts
from swallowing my pride
i no longer can stand
all you hypocrites..

digging yourself into
every body and soul
you can find..
till they bleed
scream for release
and die.

why not feed on your own lies..
instead of forcing others to drink it all in
till we drown.

just die.

i never thought that the truth could be so
hard to find.
but i guess when you throw so much shit out..
you eventually dwell in shit yourself..

its so miraculous how big of a conundrum
you put urself in.

now u cant breath
now u drown in your own tears
and choke on your own blood.

happy me

Ghosts before Breakfast..

2006-02-02T15:45:00.001+08:00

Some of the most wonderful things in life.. comes for free...

here's a perfect example..
literature.. by my dearest anastasia marilyn francis..

Enjoy...

Ghosts before Breakfast

Don't ask me if I'm okay,
I'll just say the same thing
It doesn't matter if you care,
I'll still feel this cold...

*Lost love haunts all
Don't think, just sleep...
It'll go away, someday
Lost love haunts all
I hurt when you bleed
It'll go away, someday*

Today, I sat down and cried
I couldn't help myself
And even as you take me in your arms,
I'm still dying inside

*Lost love haunts all
Don't think, just sleep...
It'll go away, someday
Lost love haunts all
Don't think, just sleep
I hurt when you bleed
It'll go away, someday.*

Here By me...

2006-01-12T08:24:00.000+08:00

I hope you’re doing fine out without me
‘Cause I’m not doing so good without you
The things I thought you’d never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood

So how could I have been so blind for all these years?
Guess I only see the truth through all this fear,
And living without you…

And everything I have in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

I can’t take another day without you
‘Cause baby, I could never make it on my own
I’ve been waiting so long, just to hold you
And be back in your arms where I belong

Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
But everything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love…

And everything I have in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

As the days grow long I see
That time is standing still for me
When you’re not here
Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
Everything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I have in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

Dear God..

2006-01-11T22:47:00.000+08:00

Dear God...

Pls let me feel better..
Pls make all these feelings go away...
I really dont want to go through this again..
Pls let me stay happy..
PLs..
PLS..
im pleading with u...
dun let the tears fall again..
i dun want this anymore...
PLs..
Im sorry...
Let me heal..
and move on...

Dear God..

Pls take care of him..
Let him be happy..
Let him forget about me..
Let him find what he's looking for..
Just pls..
Let him realise...

Dear God..

Thanks for everything...
Thanks for all the blessings..
All the sorrows..
All the pain...
All the Joy..
THank u so much...

cya later alligator!

2005-12-23T10:45:00.000+08:00

finally getting achance to get away from here..
need new air to breath.
good ol california air.
haha..

stagearts darling..
i will MISS u..
only 1 week.
but i will still miss u all!
love u guys sooo much!

to my comm.
sorry for the temp MIA.
i know got things to do.
but i need this holiday.
thanks..
love u all.

to you.
thanks for sweet words.
but i dun need them anymore.
im done with u.

production.
story is there.
need to write script though.
will have to rush once im back.
sorry ros.
sorry amreet.
will get it done.

ok..
im going tomorrow.
take care u guys!
will be thinkin of u guys all the time.
promise.

sorry.

2005-12-20T14:09:00.000+08:00

im sorry.
everything is just plain shitty..
i blame u.
thats right.. you.
and you too.
oh and you..
its your fault too.

haven't felt this crappy in a while.
oh well.
whats life without the crap it throws ur way huh.
life just happens to be more generous with the crap lately.

i don't know if i can do this.
i want to.
but i dont know if i can.
god help me.
make it just a little easier.
please.

im so glad ur gone.
really.
thanks.
i feel alot better.

to my A.HOD
hope everything resolves itself.
it'll get better.
you'll see.

and you..
from now on..
ur a fair weathered friend.
nothing more.
nothing less.

shake it off babe!

2005-12-13T23:43:00.000+08:00

i though mariah was getting a little well... " over" but then i heard this song.. and i totally respect her fot the lyrics man.. its a great song.. and i totally feel what she's saying.. haha.. no no.. no one cheated on me.. haha.. i jsut know what it means to need to shake someone off.. haha.. thanks mariah!

Shake it off

I gotta shake you off
Cause the loving ain't the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I'm here to stay
I gotta shake you off
Just like the Calgon commercial
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhereI gotta shake you off
Gotta make that move
Find somebody who
Appreciates all the love I give
Boy I gotta shake you off
Gotta do what's best for me
Baby and that means I gotta
Shake you off

By the time you get this message
It's gonna be too late
So don't bother paging me
Cause I'll be on my way
See I grabbed all my diamonds and clothes
Just ask your momma she knows
You're gonna miss me baby
Hate to say I told you so
Well at first I didn't know
But now it's clear to me
You would cheat with all your freaks
And lie compulsively
So I packed up my Louis Vuitton
Jumped in your ride and took off
You'll never ever find a girl
Who loves you more than me

I gotta shake you off
Cause the loving ain't the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I'm here to stay
I gotta shake you off
Just like the Calgon commercial
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhereI gotta shake you off
Gotta make that move
Find somebody who
Appreciates all the love I give
Boy I gotta shake you off
Gotta do what's best for me
Baby and that means I gotta
Shake you off

gotta shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it

Off...I found out about a gang
Of your dirty little deeds
With this one and that one
By the pool, on the beach, in the streets
Heard y'all was
Hold up my phone's breakin' up
I'ma hang up and call the machine right back
I gotta get this off of my mind
You wasn't worth my time
I've leaving you behind
Cause I need a real love in my life
Save this recording because
I'm never coming back home
Baby I'm gone...

Angels or devils...

2005-11-12T00:59:00.000+08:00

Currently im in LOVE with this song.. SIGH.. LOvE it..

DISHWALLA - Angels Or Devils lyrics
this is the last time

that I'm ever gonna come here tonight

this is the last time -

I will fall into a place that fails us all - inside

I can see the pain in you

I can see the love in you

but fighting all the demons will take time

it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us

are we ever are we ever gonna learn to fly

the devils they burn inside of us

are we ever gonna come back down

come around

I'm always gonna worry about

the things that could make us cold

this is the last time

that I'm ever gonna give in tonight

are there angels or devils crawling here?

I just want to know what blurs and what is clear -

to see

still I can see the pain in you

and I can see the love in you

and fighting all the demons will take time

it will take time

the angels they burn inside for us

are we ever are we ever gonna learn to fly

the devils they burn inside of u

sare we ever gonna come back down - come around

I'm always gonna worry about

the things that could break us

if I was to give in - give it up-

and thentake a breath - make it deep

cause it might be the last one you get

be the last one that could make us cold

you know that they could make us cold

I'm always gonna worry about

the things that could make us cold

You Learn

2005-11-12T00:54:00.000+08:00

"You live you learn

You love you learn

You cry you learn

You lose you learn

You bleed you learn

You scream you learn"

I recommend biting off more than you can chew to anyone

I certainly do

I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time

Feel free

Throw it down

(the caution blocks you from the wind)

Hold it up (to the rays)

You wait and see when the smoke clears

maroon 5 - through with you

2005-11-12T00:45:00.000+08:00

Can you see me

Floating above your head

As you lay in bed

Thinking about everything

That you did not do

Cause saying I love you

Has nothing to do with meaning it

And I don't trust you

Cause every time you're here

Your intentions are unclear

I spend every hour waiting for a phone call

That I know will never come

I used to think you were the one

Now I'm sick of thinking anything at all

You ain't ever coming back to me

That's not how things were supposed to be

You take my hand just to give it back

No other lover has ever done that

Do you remember

The way we used to melt

Do you remember how it felt

When I touched you

Oh cause I remember very well

And how long has it been

Since someone you let in

Has given what I gave to you

And at night when you sleep

Do you dream I would be there

Just for a minute or two do you?

You ain't ever coming back to me

That's not how things were supposed to be

You take my hand just to give it back

No other lover has ever done that

Heartache heartache I just have so much

A simple love with a complex touch

There is nothing you can say or do

I called to let you know I'm through with you

i know were cool..

2005-11-02T21:37:00.000+08:00

It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life
Passes things, get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me
are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool
I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain
Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown, oh
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool
I know we're cool

Yeah, I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles
And now we're hanging out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool
I know we're cool
C-cool, I know we're cool
I know we're cool

personality test

2005-10-23T00:23:00.000+08:00

hehe.. here's the result of a personality test i took.. its simple.. they show u a few designs adn u choose ur fav one.. surprisingly its quite accurate.. well to me la...

Introspective Sensitive Reflective
You come to grips more frequently and thoroughly with yourself and your environment than do most people. You detest superficiality; you'd rather be alone than have to suffer through small talk. But your relationships with your friends are very strong, which gives you the inner tranquility and harmony that you require. You do not mind being alone for extended periods of time; you rarely become bored.

How romantic am i?

2005-10-23T00:18:00.000+08:00

How Romantic Are You Results
Your Score is 53

You appear to have a well-balanced romantic self. While you may get flutters in your stomach when you meet someone you are very attracted to, you do not let your romantic-self entirely dictate how you proceed. You will ask yourself if there is a chance this relationship will work before allowing yourself to fall in love. Even if you feel a romantic connection is viable from a practical sense, you will not just allow yourself to be swept away. You do not have many illusions about love. While you may feel a very deep attachment to someone, you know love rarely conquers all. You know successful relationships take work and compromise and a desire by those involved to make their relationship work. Candlelight dinners and words of endless love may be nice, but they don't pay the bills or get the dishes washed. The middle ground on the romanticism scale is neither entirely safe nor entirely lackluster. However it does not carry the weight of a romantic failure based upon being swooped off your feet. Nor is the middle ground so devoid of romanticism that you feel like you are living with a sibling. Also, there is quite a bit of evidence that with your outlook on romanticism your relationship has a very good chance of succeeding.

SUrprise!

2005-10-20T09:39:00.000+08:00

today.. is taufiqs bday......
had a surprise celebration yesterday for him..
so i went to meet him after his lecture to blindfold him.. to bring him to mac la.. he actually was so panicked! haha.. had palpatations.. thought i was gonna saboh him..
see i told u no harm would come to u... :D

so anyway.. i blindfold him and guide him to mac...
he was like sooo shy cause he know got ppl around.. but i didnt care! hahha.. so then we reach.. i open the blindfold and everyone started singing! the thing is.. even other ppl in the canteen who dunno him just join in and sing! haha.. he was so embarrased! but.. happy!

Hope u enjoyed ur birthday and the special celebration for u!
Thanks Stagearters for taking part in the celebration! and making my friend feel welcome!

haizz.. dramafestival edging ever closer.. me and hasli are improving.. but still got alot more to go.. but im sure we can do it.. Right husband? haha..
Alumni night coming too! wah. stress.. rehearsals for the freshies has been ok.. BUT ALOT of work needs to be done.. but im sure they can do it!
EXAM next week some more... DIE DIE DIE...

nvm.. just got to keep sane and study la... haizz.. doesnt help that i have not been sleeping well!
SUX...

Anyway that day had lotsa fun when i buka luar with a few friends.. idah.. win.. arifah.. taufiq.. janah.. and ME! haha.. laught alot sia! then keep taking photo! hahah.. fun ! every minute was really really filled with joy.. hehe... THANKS guys!

K la.. thats all for now! will try to update sooooon!

im too lost in you..

2005-10-02T13:34:00.000+08:00

"Too Lost In You"

You look into my eyes
I go out of my mind
I can't see anything
Cos this love's got me blind
I can't help myself
I can't break the spell
I can't even try

I'm in over my head
You got under my skin
I got no strength at all
In the state that I'm in
And my knees are weak
And my mouth can't speak
Fell too far this time

[Chorus:]
Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do
I'm too lost in you

Well you whispered to me
And I shiver inside
You undo me and move me in ways undefined
And you're all I see
And you're all I need
Help me baby (help me baby)
Help me now

Cos I'm slipping away
Like the sand to the tide
Flawing into your arms
Falling into your eyes
If you get too near
I might disappear
I might lose my mind

[Chorus]

I'm going crazy with love for you baby
I can't eat and I can't sleep
I'm going down like a stone in the sea
No one can rescue me

To that someone...

2005-09-27T22:06:00.000+08:00

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

heaven

2005-09-27T21:28:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine recently found whom she calls the love of her life... yup.. she actually wants to marry the guy.. and he's pretty up for it too.. not that they are getting married.. but they are heading that direction... she says how she feels is describable in this song..

oh thinkin about our younger years
there was only you and me
we were young and wild and free
Now nothing can take you away from me
we've been down that road before
but thats over now
you keep me coming back for more
Baby you're all that i want
When you're lying here in my arms
Im finding it hard to believe
we're i heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isnt too hard to see
We're In Heaven
We're in heaven

Now nothing can change what you mean to me
there's a lot that i can say
but just hold me now
cuz our love will light the way
Baby you're all that i want
When you're lying here in my arms
Im finding it hard to believe
we're in heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isnt too hard to see
We're In Heaven
Now our dreams are coming true
through the good times and the bad
i'll be standing there by you...

i know its super corny right?? i agree... but hey.. who am i to say she hasn't found the ONE for her.. im happy for her,,, hehe.. but sometimes u just cant help but think.. is feeling that way too good to be true? can anyone really find their soulmate.. their other half?... i dunno.. guess we'll only find out when it happens... if it happens... gtg... test after test after test... grrrrr

this and that and this and that

2005-09-25T00:11:00.000+08:00

HARlow... haha.. ok.. so firstly congrats to steezers for winning second for Suntec DAnce!!!! woooh... u guys so rock! secondly... im like so busy! just finish O&G attachment! yay! haha.. now its tests and exams time! i think im so gonna not do well.. ive been slacking sooo much.. hmm.. at least my friend taufiq lent me his old bio notes.. with pics and all.. thanks! appreciate it.. hopefully i can scrape through with a C or something... haizz.. busy busy.. alimni night to prep for.. then dramafestival.. not to mention hari raya and more attachments coming up.. geez.. im exhausting myself man.. i mean.. i like to keep busy.. im just hoping that i won't burn out.. i just drank a gallon of coffee so i can study the night away.. i know its nuts.. but my mum insist on going to my aunts house tomorrow.. so i have to make up for tomorrows lost study time.. this will be the first time i touch my books! i knoww.. im so dead right? haizzz...

Haizz.. my minds so filled with thoughts... thinkin about him.. about school.. about SA... sooo many things! haizz.. anyone read harry potter? u know the pensieve? i wish i had one now.. so i could empty my thoughts into it so i have a clear mind to study.. wishful thinkin on my part.. sigh... then u knwo what.. VTP money taken away... IRRITATING right.. already barely have enough money.. then a few measly dollars also want to take away... im so MAD... stupid hospitals.. grrrrrrrrrrr

haizz.. i want to go out and just enjoy.. but i know i cant... i have to study.. a friend told me to not slack.. cause he did the same in his yr 2 and regretted it.. im trying to make up for lost time.. but i dunno if i can.. sigh.. i really have to.. i need a 3.5 gpa... currently mine is 3.2.. i dunno how im gonna pull this off!!!!

alumni night should be a blast... especially the freshies drama.. hehe.. the script so cute!! kudos to nizam on that! and a shout out to arifah.. doing a good job as an IC! wooh.. and hello to the rest of the committee members! i know we can do it guys! hehe...

k la.. thats all for now.. need to go study... try to update soon... nights!

WAD A WEEK!

2005-09-04T00:11:00.000+08:00

OMG... its been like ages la... haha.. sorry sorry... im way tooo busy... im just running around everywhere and i'm absolutely tired all the time.. haha.. although i am having the time of my life.. i've just been making so much lemonade with those lemons life gave me and im just really taking everything spontaneously and living life... weeeeeeh... i can only hope things get better.. and if they dun.. i'll make it get better...i've never felt this good.. this free in a long time... the stupid thing is that i hardly sleep... its a problem... cause i force myself to enjoy life.. that the only time rality come back to bite me in the ass is when im lying down trying to sleep.. so naturally i have spent so many sleepless nights... sleep is like no longer important... haizz... eyebags galore....

anyway... i just came back from suntec dance 3rd heats... my god there was sooo much talent there la... i was blown away man... phooh... by the way.. CONGRATS!!!!!!!! to all who made it to finals... STEEzErS.. u ROCK!.. and all my love to Li'L FIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to everyone la.. congrats.. u guys kicked ass out there man... to my darling SA dancers.. it's ok guys.. u did great!! Ti'll next Year huh... haha.. LOVE U ALL!!!!!!! MUAH!!!!

really lah.. i have had a great week... spend time with family, laughing with my dear friends... conversations with ROS... grrr.. meow.... (flashback!)... HAHAHA... then i went to my friendz bday chalet ( by the way happy bday nana!)... not like some blow out of a wild party or what.. but i had fun and i really enjoyed myself la.. it was great to just lay back and relax... the beach in the mornin is great... it gave me alot of reflection time.. and i have to say my mind was so much clearer... it felt great...

hmm.. wad else ar... i actually wanna update some SA camp photos la.. i will do so k.. along with some other photos that my darling arifah took! fun fun fun!!!!! hehe.. k.. im totally exhausted.. and my shoulder is aching!.. GOODNIGHT!

cool huh...

2005-08-16T22:20:00.000+08:00

You scored as French. You should learn... French. Maybe you'll move to France or a fomerly-French African colony. Even if you won't, you're up to the challenge. Learn French!

French

87%

Latin

87%

Spanish

73%

Arabic

53%

Chinese

53%

Japanese

47%

English

What language should you learn?
created with QuizFarm.com

2005-07-22T00:41:00.000+08:00

................................................................................... just........... tired.............................................

oh well...

2005-07-22T00:30:00.000+08:00

i know i have not updated in awhile.. sorry bout that.. i have been super busy with school and stuff.. well.. everythings ok.. still got many events in future.. just keeping busy la.

i dun really know wat to write.. haha.. unusual for me to have trouble in writting... but yah.. ive been so busy i have not even updated my stories.. or my fanfiction stuff... somehow i feel now wouldnt be the best time to write a story yah.. it'll just come out depressing.. ahh... i just dun feel like writting now.. but i think i'll continue soon la..

well.... i....... sigh.. goodnight everybody.... signing out...

WAlk away...

2005-07-22T00:16:00.000+08:00

Here's lyrics from a fav song of mine... its really wonderful...

Walk away(christina aguilera)

What do you do
When you know something's bad for you
And you still can't let go

I was naive
Your love was like candy
Artificially sweet
I was deceived by the wrapping
Got caught in your web
And I learned how to bleed
I was prey in your bed
And devoured completely

Oh and it hurts my soul
'Cause I can't let go
All these walls are caving in
I can't stop my suffering
I hate to show that I've
Lost control 'cause I
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need
To walk away from,
Get away walk away, walk away

I should have known
That I was used for amusement
Couldn't see through the smoke
It was all an illusion
Now I've been licking my wounds
But the venom seeps deeper
We both can seduce
But darling you hold me prisoner

Oh I'm about to break
I can't stop this ache
I'm addicted to your allure
And I'm fiending for a cure
Every step I take
Leads to one mistake
I keep going right back
To the one thing that I need,

ohI can't mend
This torn state I'm in
Getting nothing in return
What did I do to deserve
The pain of this slow burn
And everywhere I turnI keep going right back
To the one thing that I need
To walk away from,
yeahI need to get away from you
I need to walk away from you

Every time I try to grasp for air
I am smothered in despair
It's never over, over... oh
It seems I'll never wake from this nightmare
I let out a silent prayer
Let it be over, over... ooh
Inside I'm screaming, begging pleading
No more... oh, ohh

Now what to do
My heart has been bruised
So sad but it's true
Each beat reminds me of you

holiday ya'll!

2005-06-16T12:36:00.000+08:00

haha.. been sooo long since i blogged.. been super busy la.. i finally finish attachment last week and am now having my holidays!... sooo happy.. but actually still busy la.. got alot to do.. NDC to prep for.. auditions next week.. and so many events coming up.. haha.. my holiday is entirely for SA.. luckily club crawl finish.. yay! hahaha..

hmm.. nothin much going on.. just that i am stuck in something.. i wont go into details la.. but my dearies will know who/what im talking about.. haha...

oh well.. i am gonna go to skool soon.. later on about 3pm or what.. meeting a few frenz... hmm.. i know this is a short one.. but cant think of wat else to write.. maybe still too sleepy.. hehe.. byeee.

heeeeee~!

2005-06-02T21:39:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was my bday! yes im finally 18! haha... happy la.. this year no celebration though.. but my day was quite good although i had to work till 9pm la.. my dearie bast friend came down to my ward to give me my present! so sweet right? i was shocked la... haha.. it was a nice surprise... then i got lovely green beach slippers from 2 of ma friends! sooo nice... hahha... then when i went home there was a bday cake waiting for me! yeah.. it was a pretty simple birthday.. no extravegant party or anything.. but yet.. it was great... only one thing was missing though.. or should i say only someone was missing.. oh well... u can't have everything right.. haha... anyway.. to everyone who remembered and wished me... THANKS!!! appreciate it guys...

one more thing which is the iceing on top of the cake!!!!! we got into the finals for the drama competition!!! hahhha... can u believe it... sooo happy!!!!!!!! well.. got to go... morning shift tomorrow... will write again soon!

PaRty!

2005-05-15T14:10:00.000+08:00

hmm.. lets see.. on friday i went to sbm jam and hop.. had a BLAST!... haha... mostly cause i was with my stagearters... thats why it was fun.. saw ma cousin there.. she looks cool.. hhaa.. all the freshies were so cute.. haha.. actually it was only for sbm la.. but stagearts performing what.. so ofcourse we all go in la.. haha.. but it really was super fun... dance and dance all night.. wow.. raizan was hot man.. haha.. i mean.. he was doing solo freestyle at least 3 times on the stage.. im betting at least 80% of the girls have a crush on him by now.. hahha.. honoured to be his friend ar... hahhaahaha... oh well.. to all those girls.. HE's TaKen.. and by a good friend of mine.. so u try to mess with her.. u mess with me.. = u mess with the wrong person..

hmm.. my weekends are getting super boring.. oh man.. im like sooo bored la.. haha.. oh well.. i decided to stay at home this weekend.. cause im going holiday next week la.. so spend some time with my mum.. cause once i go holiday and i come back start attachment already.. besides.. i intend to go out a few days next week.. so play safe la.. stay at home this weekend..

hmm.. not much else.. oh yah.. alot of stagearters got into nyp idol and nyp bell and beau... thats a good thing.. haha.,. im sad i cant go watch.. stupid attachment.. haizz.. im gonna go yell at the world for awhile.. cya...

i can't make u love me...

2005-05-12T23:49:00.000+08:00

Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me.

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holdin me
Mornin will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight.

Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.

just another classic oldie... haizz.. i dunno wats going on anymore.. god, please help me get through this...

never again 2

2005-05-01T20:26:00.000+08:00

The song lyrics i put below is from a song by justin called Never Again. It's a really sad and beautiful song. i cant really explain what about it appealed to me, but i just think its a great song. ma fav line?

"Sadness has me at the end of the line.
Helpless watched you break this heart of mine.
And loneliness only wants you back here with me.
Common sense knows that you're not good enough for me
And all you had to do
Was apologize, and mean it"

Its a beautiful song.. so go listen to it yah.. im sure most of us can relate to the song..

never again..

2005-05-01T20:21:00.000+08:00

"Never Again" Justin Timberlake.

Would have given up my life for you
Guess it's true what they say about love
It's blind
Girl, you lied straight to my face
Looking in my eyes
And I believed you 'cause I loved you more than life
And all you had to do
Was apologize

You didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
And now I'm half the man
That I used to be when it was you and me
You didn't love me enough
My heart may never mend
And you'll never get to love me, again

No, no, no, no, no, no

Sadness has me at the end of the line
Helpless watched you break this heart of mine
And loneliness only wants you back here with me
Common sense knows that you're not good enough for me
And all you had to do
Was apologize, and mean it

But you didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
And now I'm half the man
That I used to be when it was you and me
You didn't love me enough
My heart may never mend
And you'll never get to love me

I wish like hell I could go back in time
Maybe then I could see how
Forgiveness says that I should give you one more try
But it's too late, it's over now

You didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
And now I'm half the man
That I used to be when it was you and me
You didn't love me enough
My heart may never mend
And you'll never get to love me
AgainAgain, yeah, yeah
Again, again, again, yeah, yeah, yeah
Never get to love me

2005-04-24T12:56:00.000+08:00

American Cities That Best Fit You:

65% Atlanta

60% New York City

55% San Francisco

55% Washington, DC

50% Austin

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

2005-04-24T12:45:00.000+08:00

You May Be a Bit Borderline ...

Your mood swings make a roller coaster look tame!
When you're up, you're a little bit crazy...
And when you're down, your whole world is crashing
Scary thing is, these moods can change by the minute!

What Personality Disorder Are You?

MISS U!

2005-04-22T18:40:00.000+08:00

dedicated to all ma stagearters...

i MISS U MISS U MISS U MISS U MISS U MISS U MISS U MISS U MISS U MISS U MISS U !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahhahahahhah.........

Well tomorrow got DRAMA!!!!!!! woooooh.!! haha.. get to see all ma darls again... yeah.. cant wait... on another plus side.. 1 week attachment OVER! haha... okok.. 9 more days to go.. but at least i got thru the first week.. k.. gtg doctor now.. ba back and update later k.. bye...

WEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEE~!

so far so good..

2005-04-19T23:48:00.000+08:00

2 days of attachment gone.. 13 more to go.. so far all is good..im pretty tired now so this is gonna be a brief one yeah.. hmm.. so i like my ward.. everything is good... i miss ma darlings so much... want to go out with them! haha.. but then.. i wont be free till at least 2-3 weeks time... haizz... what to do... well.. im super sleepy now.. so sorry if this is such a brief entry...

er... i want stagearts to start again.. withdrawal syptoms starting to appear.. haha.. well.. cant take it.. eyes shutting and i know im babbling now.. haha.. k.. goodnight.. will try to update soon..

GO SMUDGE!

2005-04-17T10:59:00.000+08:00

Danceworkswas yesterday night and SMUDGE rocked! haha.. we got second place ya'll... yeah... haha.. it was super fun.. all the stagearters were screaming all the way in support of smudge..most of us even wore green to support them... i have to admit the other teams were good too.. but smudge was very creative! the winning team WHAK wac alright.. they did the exact same routine so it was a bit of been there seen that.. i think the essential part of their team is the little white riding hoods.. personally.. i think knockout is nothing without them.. i mean... they are good la.. but LWRH gives them the essential edge.. over all it was a great night.. had alot of fun.. haha... CONGRATS to SMUGE again!... love ya guys!...
going to my grandma's house soon... then tomorrwo attachment.. so i might abe a bit busy to update... but will try to soon! cya..

YAY!!!!!!

2005-04-15T18:40:00.000+08:00

hahahahahhahahahhahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EXAM OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOMORROW DANCEWORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!! GET TO SEE MY DARLING STAGEARTERS AGIN!!!!!!!!!!HAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!IM BEHAVING LIKE AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHHAHA THATS CAUSE IM JUST SO GOD DARNED HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!!!!!!

finally!... thank god..

2005-04-14T12:05:00.000+08:00

OMG.. i have been trying to enter this post for like the past week.. my com keeps shutting down the internet explorer halfway! i retyped like 3 times la.. so irritating.. just as im about to post the thing shuts down and all my typing is like gone.. ARGH!.. i hate my com... stupid spywares and viruses... grrrrr...

ok la.. now i try to remember what i wanted to type that day...

i notice that i havent been talking much about wats been happening since production... haha.. or even during production.. well.. im gonna try to rewind back k...

been spending the whole of my study week with ma SA darlings... arifah, raizan, nizam,faisal ( tupai, untah, kambing, biskut respectively) and occassionally with naz... at school... always with the intention of studying la.. but well.. haha.. u can guess the results...

anyway.. i just love these ppl.. really one of the greatest bunch of ppl u will ever get the pleasure of meeting.. i have so much fun with them and im happy too.. which is a big thing for me.. i dun feel that happy too often.. so im glad i found ppl that brighten up my life sooo much.. LOVE YA GUYS!...

not only are the great to hang out with... u should try shopping with them.. super fun la.. haha.. and i have to say.. that we all have a good sense of style!

ok.. so recently alot of my "friends" have been disapointing me la.. like for example.. ppl who promised to watch the production but didnt turn up.. and it made me think... thank god that i am not emotionally attached to ma friends la.. by emotionally attached... i mean that i dun rely on them for things, dun expect anything from them la.. god i remember those days when i was naive and actually thought that the word friendship meant something.. but over the years i realised that its just a word to represent ppl who interact with each other.. thats all.. and im so glad i made those rulez for myself all those months ago.. i mean.. if i was still the old me, i would have been upset and sad that those friends didnt turn up.. but now.. i figure what the heck.. if they had wanted to com and support me.. they would have.. its that plain and simple yeah.. no use stressing over.. so yah...

Those who thought i was so cynical for thinking of friendship this way.. all i have to say is... u have to be me to know... besides.. Life itself proved to me that i was right... so how bout u try get back to real life? and i guarentee u will realise that im right...

so 3 papers are over.. finally... left one more tomorrow.. last one then its over! ahha.,. okok.. i know still got attachment... but id rather go for that then study for exams man.. Saturday danceworks finals! cant wait.. hope Smudge wins!!!!!!!!!

exam fever..

2005-04-09T17:03:00.000+08:00

ok.. exam is like starting in less then 2 days.. its on monday!! im so dead ok.. cause i have studied so little.. haizz.. looks like im doomed.. haizz.. well.. just gonna mug a bit more before admitting defeat.. haha...

so been spending so much time with my fellow stagearters.. its been a fun week ya'll! look forward to many more happy days! hehe..

thats all i have time for.. gonna attempt to study enuf to at least get straight c's and d's la.. cya!

photos...

2005-04-09T17:01:00.000+08:00

ok ppl.. finally uploaded a few photos from the production.. thanks to anselm for his digicam and his uploading! haha... see all the wonderful ppl im surrounded by.. love you all!!

2005-04-09T16:58:00.000+08:00

ma darling shaz and me..

2005-04-09T15:58:00.000+08:00

3 guys? or three gays? hahha... faisal are u happy now???

2005-04-09T15:54:00.000+08:00

its a bird.. its a plane! its a bunch of stagearters! hehehe~!

2005-04-09T15:51:00.000+08:00

The darling committee! love ya guys!! *muaks*

2005-04-09T15:50:00.000+08:00

our production poster! hw cool is that?~!!

2005-04-09T15:49:00.000+08:00

crazy and candid shot!

2005-04-09T15:43:00.000+08:00

how much is that yeeshan at the window? woof woof!

2005-04-09T15:40:00.000+08:00

drunk?hahhaa.. party!!!

2005-04-09T15:09:00.000+08:00

potential models? haha.. NOT.. thatz zan, faisal and nizam..

2005-04-09T00:48:00.000+08:00

riiiiight... "suzy".. hehe.. "hello suzy.." haha!

2005-04-09T00:44:00.000+08:00

ma 2 darlings.. nana and naz...

2005-04-09T00:43:00.000+08:00

the sisters seperated at birth! hahah...

2005-04-09T00:41:00.000+08:00

Stagearts photo after the production! WEEEE!

2005-04-09T00:39:00.000+08:00

My dear stagearts make-up artists! hehe.. adn dila.. :D

ITS OVER!

2005-04-02T11:33:00.000+08:00

OMG>. production is finally over!!! YAY! haha.. last night was amazing.. it was a fantastic show... i just love it.. haha... OMG.. the audience enjoyed the show very much.. they laughed alot.. haha.. backstage was crazy.. but i cant believe its over! We did it! fellow juniors.. this has been an amazing experience for all of us.. im sure we all will do even better in future! haha.. and thanks to the seniors for everything.. STAGEARTS roX!

my family and friends were all there.. even MIkio came! and he was smiling at me in the audience.. haha.. wad a good friend.. my family were all so great and supportive.. haha.. i really had a blast..

right now.. im just so relieved nothin went wrong.. now can just relax and start preparing for exams... freshman orientation coming soon too.. haha... hee~!

k.. abit busy now.. will continue this later k!

bargain central...

2005-03-26T22:37:00.000+08:00

OMG.. bugis is the best place to shop man.. i had so much fun.. i bought a shirt.. was so reasonable.. and a gorgeous pair of green shoes.. a bit hip hop kinda sports thing.. it was a STEAl.. super cheap.. my mum dun believe me! hahaha.. raizan came along with us.. and he was so jealous.. haha.. so cute man.. cause we both love green so much.. but he didnt have money to shop.. i did.. hehe... thinkin of going back there to grab a few more shirts.. haha..weeeeeh~!
We then went to far east.. i made a personalised hat.. which was reasonable.. haha.. naz had to ruch of to work so i went home too.. boutght alot of sushi for dinner.. YUMMY!

so rehearsal was fine today... i didnt really put my 100% in cause i was so sleepy.. and like its in the morning.. but i think it will be fine la.. haha.. its getting there...

well.. not much else.. haha.. thats all! byeee~!

retail therapY!

2005-03-26T00:07:00.000+08:00

hmm... tomorrow 9am rehearsals.. haizz.. i feel like tomorrow is the actual performance man.. like nervous! wahaha.. well.. alot of my darlings are coming down to watch next week.. hehe.. so happy.. Love ya guys man... i really needed the moral support.. haha.. anyway.. me going shoppin tomorrow.. just a little bit la.. haha.. wanna get shoes.. and some shirts.. hmm.. retail therapy! woooh.. going with naz and my dear prissy.hmm.. should be fun! haha.. so excited.. hope deary wont be late again..hehe.. she always is.. :D

wad else... oh ya.. im feeling way better.. think whatever i was feeling is going away.. YAY!

well.. just pray all goes well in the coming weeks.. sorry if im unable to blog.. will be super hectic.. till next time!

phew.. a good day at last...

2005-03-25T14:17:00.000+08:00

Things are finally starting to look up. i had a good rehearsal yesterday.. i think i was finally in character.. hehe.. almost made raizan and idah cry... made me happy that there was an impact.. hiazz.. still got alot to work on..

well.. isaw the poster.. its so kewl.. a poster with ur face on it! OMG.. super kewl!.. haha..
met shasha yesterday.. such a nice girl.. super sweet..
my "dear" didnt come for rehearsals again.. but lucky he coming tomorrow.. he better.. if not i will kill him...
erm.. not much else.. i just need to start studying la.. exams round the corner... well... catch up soon.. byeee..

(the rooof is onnnn FIREEEE!!!) hahahahaha

WEt Wet DaY

2005-03-24T12:38:00.000+08:00

OMG.. what a crazy day yesterday.. met nana after claszs and headed towards orchard.. Dhoby ghaut actually... met with ros naz and arifah.. were looking for costumes for production... naz and nana got 2 gorgeous tops and arifah got the most adorable pair of shoes.. its black and has a huge ribbon. perfect for a "5 year old"...

So anyway.. when heading back to skool we decided to go by the back route.. and halfway through it started raining like crazy.. we were all soaking wet... the shelter we got was fortunately at the back of some fan looking thingy.. so it was like a giant hairdryer.. haha.. so funny.. imagine 5 girls drying themselves out.. then suddenly 2 shadows appeared to save us! haha.. actually me senior called 2 other seniors to come down with umbrella's.. THanks!!
so when we got back to the clubroom we were all still wet.. so we just grabbed some shirts and pants and temporarily changed into them.. thank god for dry clothes.. haha.. me and arifah wore those hospital scrubs.. haha.. for a moment made me think bout me wanting to do OT if im gonna be stuck in nursing.. well.. alot of them had a good laugh.. although i didnt really laugh so much.. well.. cause of the stuff thats bothering me.. moving on...
haha.. well.. im getting a bit nervous about production... haizz... worried... i get butterflies just thinkin bout it.. haha.. though yes i have remembered my lines.. but.. im still abit unconfident...

That friend of mine that i've been worried about seems to be back to his normal self a bit.. still can see he is still a bit moody;.. by he's better.. im so glad... :D

LAter got clinical theory test.. i have not really studied thoroughly.. but i know my basics... hopefully it will be enough.. OMG,. im typing so fast cause im all hyped on coffee.. oh yah.. did i say that i didnt sleep last night.. took coffee witht he intent on studying.. but i couldnt concentrate so u know wad i ended up doing? i cleaned my room.. haha.. my mom was slightly shocked to wake up and see my room clean.. (okok.. its usually messy.. i admit..hehe..)
so i only studied some this morning.. so.. yah.. praying that it wont be sooo hard la... just want a B at least...

Well.. its a busy day ahead of me.. got rehearsal at TFA later.. haha... hope all goes well... considering im sleep deprived and the only thing keeping me from falling flat on the floor is the coffee in my veins.. PRAISE THE WORLD FOR COFFEE!!
(do u have any idea how fast im typing due to the coffee...)

Heaven knows...

2005-03-24T00:43:00.000+08:00

He's always on my mind
From the time I wake up 'til I close my eyes
He's everywhere I go
He's all I knowAnd though He's so far away
It just keeps gettin' stronger, every day
And even now he's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let him go

CHORUS
Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows

My friends keep tellin' me
That if you really love him
You've gotta set him free
And if he returns in kind
I'll know he's mine
So tell me where do I start
'Cause it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go

CHORUS

Why I live in despair
'Cause wide awake or dreaming
I know she's never there
And all the time I act so brave
I'm shaking inside
Why does it hurt me so
Maybe my love will come back some day
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
Only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope and pray
'Cause heaven knows
Heaven knows

time in a bottle...

2005-03-24T00:39:00.000+08:00

Jim Croce
Time In A Bottle

if I could save time in a bottle
the first thing that I'd like to do
is to save every day 'til eternity passes away
just to spend them with you
if I could make days last forever
if words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then
again I would spend them with you
but there never seems to be enough time to do the
things you want once you find them
I've looked around enough to know that
you're the one I want to go through time with
if I had a box just for wishes
and dreams that had never come true
the box would be empty except for
the memories of how they were answered by you
but there never seems to be enough time to do the
things you want once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
that you're the one I want to go through time with.

heard this song and cried..its just so sad...

i walk alone...

2005-03-22T00:31:00.000+08:00

so yah.. tada.. changed my blogskin a few days ago.. i love it cause it resembles all that i am.. i walk alone.. i walk alone...

mixed emotions im feeling.. dunno wad to do about it.. the more i try to forget.. the more it haunts me.. i cant run from it.. its everywhere.. i cant escape.. i just cant.. im trapped.. and im forced to deal with it.. but i dunno how to deal with it.. no one can help me but me but how do i when i dont know how.. i just want to have partial amnesia and forget i feel this way.. cause i know its useless.. fruitless.. wasted emotions.. and its so draining.. im just sooo tired.. i just want to disappear... to forget.. just want to.. die for awhile and wake up a new person.. not trying to be melodramatic.. but really.. im so tired of these emotions.. leave me alone.. just leave me damn alone.. please...

Thanks to he who is offering his help... but i cant take his offer, i cannot tell.. for a million reasons.. and he too cannot accept my hand of help for his own reasons... so blindly supporting each other we will.. and may we both pull through..

dead

2005-03-21T23:52:00.000+08:00

im frustrated, tired, sad, angry, crying, screaming, punching, dying, yelling, pissed, lonely, tumbling, drowning, shivering, spinning, begging, amused, falling, longing, tearing, blinded, offended, crawling, bleeding..... And My Soul Is DEAD....

10 more days..

2005-03-21T09:02:00.000+08:00

haizz.. wat can i say..10 days to production... im super nervous... then a friend of mine. he is havin problems.. haizz.. it bothers me to see him so depressed and sad.. wish he would let me help him.. but.. well what can i do.. i think he needs sometime to think.. so im gonna give him that la.. just hope he will feel better...

today my friend IDAH bday.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! WOHOO! ur 18!..haha...

hmm.. my heart beating s fast.. i dunno la.. this is like my first really major performance inpoly.. i've done it in sec school yes.. but.. not in poly.. haizz... see la.. just thinking about it gives me butterflies in my stomach.. i dun even know why.. not like i've never performed b4 lehs.. ive even done it SOLO so many times..hope all goes well..

k.. im gonna be very busy for the next 2 weeks so sorry if i dun update k.. see ya..

its beeN awhile....

2005-02-22T18:20:00.000+08:00

im so sorry that i've not been updating.. haizz.. been super buzy.. so hectic.. well.. im feeling kinda depressed nowadays.. im just mighty sick of nursing.. i just.. haizz.. i really dont want to be here anymore.. ive got no passion for it.. wish i could go to mass com now.. but what to do.. im totally stuck.. it really sucks that i come to skool everyday with no purpose.. just aimlessly going for lectures and all that.. haizz.. im just so trapped!

well.. my good friend dan is really happy.. he ha s a girlfriend.. AHAHA... so cute la he.. then friday i have this reunion bbq to go to.. dunno if i want to go.. NO MOOD to do anything!!!
wah.. well.. on a good note.. production stuff is going quite well. had the photoshoot recently.. for the poster.. ahaha.. can u imagin ur face plastered all over the school?? ahaha... SO BLOODY COOL!.. erm..went for student mentorship camp.. quite cool... but tiring.. well. at least now im a student mentor la..hehe..

a close friend of mine is being bothered by this girl who LIKES him.. ahah.. so fun to see how she reacts in front of him! but they would make a cute couple.. ahaha.. but.. knowing this friend of mine.. doubt it will happen la..

oh ya.. some sad news.. mik left nursing.. well.. definately will miss him! but.. i just wish him the best.. hope he is happy... to mik: i will miss ur jokes boy!haha.. take care always.. keep in touch.. frenz always!

haizz.. hectic hectic.. just wish i could disappear for a month.. just get away from everything and everyone.. maybe i would stop being so sad then.. i know.. i look happy all the time right'? well.. only those who know me know what hell im in.. and also. thanks to those who are trying to provide me with support.. i appreciate it alot.. : D

i watched constantine.. quite cool movie.. i got lots of shows i've yet to watch.. hopefully i will soon!

hmm.. not much else.. except for one mini detail.. there is this guy.. i know him a few months ago.. but from the moment i saw him.. i felt this strong connection.. ofcourse.. im not sure if its in a romantic way.. but i swear it feels like i've known him for ever.. but i know we just met.. ever have that feeling? i dunno.. i dun see him everyday.. but when i do.. something in his eyes tells me he feels it too.. no.. its not love and all that crap.. its just a sense of familliarity.. he's quite a good friend now.. but still.. there are those moments that we would just look at each other in the eyes.. just for a split moment.. but seems like a million msgs are passing through.. i never felt that way b4.. but.. there is just something about this guy.. anyway.. he's alot of fun as a friend la.. and fortunately.. no one knows who im talking about! haha.. well.. i like to keep my private life private after all.. CHEERS!

Watch THIS!!!

2005-02-20T15:45:00.000+08:00

OMG.. gotta watch this.. hehe.. GILMORE RULES!

http://www.gilmoregirls.org/multi/GG215-trl.mov

Robbie...

2005-02-09T21:34:00.000+08:00

fav robbie williams song.. gosh.. he's great..

Loose lips sunk ships
I'm getting to grips with what you said
No it's not in my head
I can't awaken the dead day after day
Why don't we talk about it?
Why do you always doubt that there can be a better way?
It doesn't make me wanna stay

Why don't we break up?
There's nothing left to say
I've got my eyes shut
Praying they won't stray
And we're not sexed up
That's what makes the difference today
I hope you blow away

You say we're fatally flawed
Well I'm easily bored, is that ok?
Write me off your list
Make this the last kiss, I'll walk away
Why don't we talk about it?
I'm only here don't shout it
Given time we'll forget
Let's pretend we never met

Why don't we break up?
There's nothing left to say
I've got my eyes shut
Praying they won't stray
And when I'm sexed up
That's what makes the difference today
I hope you blow away

Screw you, I didn't like your taste
Anyway, I chose you and that's all gone to waste
It's Saturday, I'll go outAnd find another you

let love be my energy...

2005-02-09T19:48:00.000+08:00

haha.. i heard this song on nickelodeon (yes.. i watch nickelodeon.. laugh all u want.. haha..) ..it was one of the songs from spongebob the movie.. called psychic wall.. the lyrics kinda dun make sense.. but ok.. its and ok song.. haha.. i also heard the new version of the spongebob theme song sung by avril.. its pretty nice.. ROCK ON!.. haha... LAME>... i know..

anyway.. im finding it really difficult to find motivation to study nowadays.. i really want to do well. but i cant seem to get any fuel in me.. everytime i pick up a book all i want to do it put it back down.. most lectures are becoming a bore.. haizz.. i dunno what im gonna do.. sometimes i wonder if i can really survive these 3 years.. nursing.. haizz...

hopefully i'll get some studying done during the next few days.. my minds been preoccupied lately.. with different ppl.. different things.. there ar so many thigs i wanna do... but i cant .. for so many reasons.. i feel like i've lost my will to live.. nothing seems worth doing anymore.. haizz...

well.. i'll check in back later... gonna go do stuff( not sure exactly what)... Jess Mariano rocks..

eyes..

2005-02-08T17:36:00.000+08:00

there it was again.. his eyes, so deeply filled with emotions, but yet he looked so nonchalant..
so what happens when the one person who broke ur heart, is the only person u want to talk about it with.. or the person that made u cry, was the one person that could dry ur tears?
who do u turn to then?

just a lovely thought.. haha.. inspired by some story i read.. lovely isnt it.. haha..

2005-02-03T21:20:00.000+08:00

hehe... my make up masterpiece!

2005-02-03T21:18:00.000+08:00

oooh..scary..

2005-02-03T20:35:00.000+08:00

group project at my house!

2005-02-03T20:28:00.000+08:00

after a massive car crash! hahaha!!

2005-02-03T20:25:00.000+08:00

jjjjjjeeeessssss!!!!

2005-02-03T20:24:00.000+08:00

<<<<<<>>>>

bla bla bla

2005-02-01T18:37:00.000+08:00

Bla bla... why is it everything seems to be like that today.. haizz... but at least we all had a bit of fun in the afternoon.. i just felt like going out of skool.. so my frenz and i walked to AMk during our break... went to play drums in the arcade... the guys paid ofcourse..haha.. played that drum game.. kinda FUN la.. haha.. we played some other stuff also..

hmm.. the rest of the ay not much.. i just finished watching some cbt on oral meds... wah.. so many things to check.. haha.. then meeting naz at 7pm.. then got more work to do.. haizz.. the 2 days CNy hols will be for me to catch up man.. im so far behind!! must do well!! kk.. till tonight or something...hope things wont cont to be bla bla...

thinking..

2005-01-31T21:23:00.000+08:00

Thinking
by Sarah Healy

Thinking. Can't stop thinking.
Think of you. This. That. That Life. That day.
That dream was mine.
A utopian dream.

Your aura; struck me like lightning to a tree.
Pointy, like a star, you shone.
So bright, yet not shining as a star would,
But as apparent as white chalk on a blackboard.
You would not show off like a star.
Yet you did burn so hot, so fiercely, so explosively -
you were a star in my eyes.

But like all stars, you died.
That gas was gone.
No pull between us.
The atmosphere was dryand I began to choke.
I was taken from my star -
like a child being taken from its poor,drunken mother -
I did not know what was happening.
Dazed. Confused. Without true reality, I there sat.
Wondering.

The end of my world had only just begun, with yours beginning..

slow tears....

2005-01-31T20:47:00.000+08:00

Slow Tears
by Martini

I look up
as a tear rolls slowly
down my cheek
I think about better days
and wonder if I'll feel that way again
you look at me
with those eyes I know so well
always serious, so deep and insightful
as though you're always in control
But not todaynot now
Now you look so scared
like for once you don't have the answer
I gaze at you
looking deep into those hazel eyes
Hoping to understand
why you've said those things you did
I wonder for a moment
if this is all a dream
if I shall wake in the morning
and be relieved
you look at me
with a confusion I have never seen
slowly pull me towards you
and wipe the tears from my cheek..

a thought...

2005-01-31T14:34:00.000+08:00

to that someone...
missing u everyday.. wish u were here.. wish things had happened a different way.. wish we had more time... wish i said something... now its too late.. so im movin on... but a part of me will always love u... and a part of me will always cherish u.. but guess its time to forget u.. so this is me saying goodbye...

dedicated to the one person i ever loved.. do take care.. in my heart always...

so much work.. so tired..

2005-01-31T13:07:00.000+08:00

hmm.. havent written for a few days.. been so busy.. haha.. well.. lets recap shall we?.. thursday was the juniors dance.. they did a great job... make up was fun and the backstage dressing room was pretty nice la.. then thurs was funkamania... i think my seniors did a great job la.. i was so proud of them! Da contradictz rule! haha... although they didnt win i think they deserve an applause just for their efforts.. im so jealous man.. wish can dance like them.. hehe..
hmm.. sat had drama.. only a few ppl turned up.. but it was fun... did this really sad story where i had to cry.. and i did it.. thank god.. i think all that training of the monologue thing at the camp did a hell alot of good for me.. i know how to get my emotions out better.. although my acting skills still has alot to be improved on.. but i hope to work on that diring the preparation for production..

hmm.. then sunday was fun.. my groupmates came over to do the family assesment thing... i ordered pizza and i fried chicken for them.. i think they enjoyed the food.. the whole interview thing went quite fine la.. fortunately... then we worked a bit on out ICA before they all left..
well.. i just finished my ICA presentation a few hrs ago.. it went ok la.. lecturer said she could probably give us a B and above... so im glad la.. but must work hard for upcoming projects also.. haizz... then my attendance is a bit screwed up also.. need to settle that later..
im so looking forward to working together with the other casts in the production.. im sure it will be a blast! but i know i will have to work hard... i hope i do ok...

OMG... im spo far behind on my work.. er.. gotta go.. if i dun start to work i will fail this semester!..kk.. till next time yah!!

dazed...

2005-01-26T21:52:00.000+08:00

today... despite having an MC... i went to skool.. wow.. was like stoned all day.. the stupid meds made me all disoriented and drowsy.. i almost went into the guys toilet!! haha.. ok. laugh all u want... but i was really like blur... every chance i got i slept a bit.. i think if i didnt do si.. i would have been like dead...
hmm.. had make up just now... today quite fun la.. surprisingly faisial and nash came! haha.. that faisal ar.. wah... really FON u knoww.. haha.. funny guy la.. but i think cause of my sickness + drowsyness, i cannot appreciate the humor today... but still laugh a bit.. then that yee shan also so cute sia.. see my face liddat aske me who bully me.. he will go and find the fella.. haha.. adorable la he.. want to defend me la..ahaha.. then nash.. the face a bit black today(no pun).. i just meant that he is a bit moody today.. then after make up had gift xchange.. haha.. thank god farhana liked the seal thing... haha.. and i like the bracelet she gave me also.. and the paper thing shidah did was adorable!...
hmm.. wad else ar.. oh ya.. 3 dance events comin up... all one after another.. wah.. im sure gonna be tired man.. nvm.. all for stagearts la.. hehe.. really hope my seniors win funka man..
oops.. will be back later! amazing race starting!!

a monologue

2005-01-26T01:07:00.000+08:00

"Thank you.. Thanks for all the pain u put me through. Thanks for all the lessons u taught me. How never to trust.. Never to let another person see me put my heart on my sleeve. Never to let anyone know exactly how im feeling.. never to cry in front of u.. or anyone again.. Thank u. for teaching me that this world is far crueler than I thought it was.. Was it fun for u? Was it amusing to see me hang on ur every word? It was funny wasn’t it? I bet it was… unfortunately, u didn’t know that we were laughing about u too. did u think that we were so stupid? So naïve that we didn’t see through your transparent lies? Did u think that u were fooling a 3 yr old? No.. we knew.. I don’t know if it was ur lack of realization or just plain stupidity.. that made your lies stand out as though they were decked in fluorescent lights.. its just unfortunate that I was in too deep to realize the biggest lie u were playing.. Too deep to see that behind that caring exterior. U were laughing at me.. The fool…"

just a monologue.. dedicated to that person from my past.. in case i forgot to tell this person...here goes.. "go to hell!!!!'...

nobody's home...

2005-01-26T01:00:00.000+08:00

"Nobody's Home"
I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday. And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.
What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah,ohShe wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah

so long....

2005-01-25T23:10:00.000+08:00

OMG.. Its been so long!! im so sorry..haha... im apologising to my blog!(pathetic right).. been so busy man.. project after project... so much school work... oh dear.. and stagearts... haha.. but i do have good new... I GOT IN!!!!! yes.. its true.. belive it! ur eyes are not tricking u! (i thought my ears were trickin me!).. i got into the production! OMG.. so exciting... haha..ok.. anyway, stagearts camp was a real eye opener.. i cried my eyes out.. i laughed my head off and i developed a bond with my fellow stagearters also.. it was a good camp la.. though there were times when i and other ppl were just plain pissed la..till the point i just wanted to go home.. but thank god that was just for awhile.. the rest was good all the way..

hmm.. open house is over also.. PHEW.. another hurdle jumped over gracefully..haha.. ti was a blast really.. tired yes.. but fun all the same.. haha.. was so proud of my mascots.. did justice to the make up artists work! haha... a bit of problems here and there.. but nothin can be perfect right..

anyway... hah.. guess what... i found someone cute!..haha.. but cant tell who la.. but recently keep tallkin to him.. adorable sia.. (shh..sun bother askin me who.. NO ONE know who)...

anyway.. haizz.. no time... got to go soon also.. got work to do.. im actually sick now.. i have MC for tomorrow.. but u know what.. i still got to go 2 skool cause got clinical.. dun want to attend clinical in another class.. then also got make up.. this week got to impt events.. so cant miss make up also.haha.. MC no use man.. anyway,.. catch up real soon k.. dun miss me!

Ps: to all my friends, msg me more often la.. dun want to loose touch with u ppl! take care...

haha.. nothing to do

2005-01-06T10:52:00.000+08:00

im in my e learnin lab now.. wahaha.. more that 2hrs break man... juz sittin here with my friends... my cms and attendacne is all screwed up man... i dun give a damn la... so fed up already.. but luckily i have a new bio lecturer..wahaha.. Dr yong is such a good lecturer.. i actually payed attention 4 bio! wahaha... yesterday went 4 stageasts la.. make up and stuff.. still got so much costume things to take care of.. haizz.. and auditon results still not out.. dum di dum di dum...

haizz.. looks like i got my work cut out 4 me this semester.... there is more workload and on top of that CCA is so busy also.. Nvm.. hopefully it will all pay of la. I hope... hmm.. k la..better get back to doing some work.. update soon!